Mortifying Occasions

A helpless spectator, powerless to stop the inevitable, widens his eyes in horror as a conspiracy is being hatched. A deviant droplet of spit that escapes from his cavity of words chooses that awkward moment to land on a passive listener’s visage. The listener, unable to mask her surprise, pretends nothing unusual occurred. The seeming culprit, vainly hoping, that the listener is unaware of this silent transaction, rambles on to disguise the tinge of redness creeping on his cheeks. How many of us have been fortunate enough to have escaped  such embarrassing moments?

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 An uninvited guest who makes appearances at public occasions without any prior warning. An unconditioned reflex that fails to obey the dictates of common sense or reason. A reflex that commits an act of betrayal just when one is about to excuse oneself from a populated room. A breaking wind that sometimes chooses the path of silence and at other times makes a noisy exit. If one is born under lucky stars, one might make it to open spaces sans company just in time to expel the intestinal gas with unpleasant odour. If star-crossed, a cough or a slight movement or even miscalculations in time to reach the door could result in an explosion of wind that could compel those in the vicinity to shield their nostrils  or turn their head sideways for fresh air in disgust. Farts are mortifying indeed!

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Get together with friends and family. Mouth watering food. Beautiful venue. Bold and the beautiful bantering about excellent cuisine and choice of wine. Brimming with happiness, gorgeously attired guests devour food self-served on their plates by chewing tastefully when the unexpected happens. The malfunctioning of a plastic fork miraculously resurrects a piece of chicken that leaps with joy to find a spot on a pampered princess’s plate but not before staining her expensive evening gown. Awkward silence descends on the stunned food lovers at Table X. A picture-perfect scene frozen for a fraction of a second due to a reckless eater’s act of imperfection. Princess ‘Look-at-Me’ chucks a tantrum while the holder of the devious fork suffers humiliation in silence with protruding eyeballs and takes a minute to summon courage to utter words of apology to the victimized which becomes the cue for others to assist in cleaning the mess and escort her majesty to the washroom.

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