Ever since I entered the threshold of adolescence, whether I had been in puppy love, also widely known as infatuation, or in relationships I had always heard stories of possessiveness of local Romeos and Juliets. I had heard boyfriends and girlfriends tell their mates how possessive their partners were. They declared it as though it was a positive outcome; a sign of their true love. However, in reality possessiveness only destroys the best of all relationships. I have varied interpretation for possessiveness displayed by men mostly and in some cases by women. But before I mislead you with my connotations of possessiveness, I would like to remind you the dictionary meaning for the word. Most dictionaries define the word ‘possessiveness’ to be overprotective, controlling, clinging, dominating, jealousy opposed to the personal independence, domineering etc. In other words, it is a destructive emotion.
Casanovas who have had too many amorous relationships use possessiveness as a protective cloak in which they can hide their pretty girlfriends from the evil eyes of perverts. In reality, as they dread being exposed by their friends or their ex-girlfriends, they use possessiveness as an excuse to be secretive and to curtail the opportunities of their current girlfriends from discovering the truth about their true identities. Clueless about the selfish and self-centred motivation of the male partners, the women continue to bask in the glory of the attention they are receiving, which they often misunderstand as true love or genuine affection. Possessiveness is also synonymous with chauvinism as it is a strategy used by men, who consider themselves as special and superior, to keep the women in check or under control. Whenever they feel threatened by their partner’s display of personal independence or their successes or by the opportunities which could lead them to fame and popularity which they can never dream of achieving, they use possessiveness as a trump card to stunt their growth or prevent them from becoming a larger than life figure. Women, who are courted by possessive men, need to know that true love is taking pride in each other’s successes and making sacrifices for the achievement of each other’s goals and celebrating the moment of glory together.
Women, on the other hand, display possessiveness when their male counterparts are surrounded by glamorous beauties as they dislike competition, especially when it comes to beauty. Jealousy arousing from their male counterparts receiving promotions or better career opportunities cannot be ruled out altogether. Women’s possessiveness hail from their insecurities besides their inherent ability to be suspicious about everything around them. As most of them are gossipmongers, they have an endless database of rumours, scandals, lists of failed relationships, betrayal stories etc., which impair their judgement, render them possessive and quarrelsome.
Consequently, the definition of true love is certainly not possessiveness. It is a word that means self-destruction as many a man and woman, who have harboured this emotion, have been shattered. Their lives have been ruined. Let us not wallow through illusions and uproot this negative emotion from our hearts!