Even though not leading an unproductive life, I was still lethargic, waking late and going to bed at unearthly hours. A lack of routine was my excuse. Being a full-time online student, unemployed and surviving on Jobseeker payments, punctuality was out of question. I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Admitted, I was not leading a responsible and disciplined life, but I never regarded myself as anti-social or criminal just because I was self-indulgent or behaved like an absent-minded professor who left her things lying around and raised a ruckus when unable to find things in moments of need. Until I accessed a video shared on Facebook.
I noticed the name Mahatria, which did not ring a bell, but I should not find that surprising as I had not kept track of many things since I migrated from India to Australia in 2003. I wish I had not accessed the video as I had never felt guilty about leading an epicurean lifestyle. My entire world came crashing down on me. The motivational speaker, whose raw material- the simple truths of life, coupled with delivery’s timing and the right examples from life, made me feel guilty. His words had the power of whiplashes for some unexplained reason, and I had never felt ashamed of not being able to wake up on time or live in a free flow living environment.
I now realise why each year I failed in my New Year’s resolutions. I just lacked the resolve to be consistent in what I am not convinced and gave into temptations with ease. However, there are things that I value and no matter what, I have adhered to those goals. I did not realise what a difficult feat it was to wake up on the alarm’s first ring. I continued to snooze and indulge in shameless sleep for a little longer, even after listening to Mahatria’s speech and replaying the verbally-slapped experience.
Discipline is the need of the hour, it would seem. I wonder if strict disciplining is necessary since we regard creativity as the greatest signs of rebellion, for it is a digression from the traditional or the usual. If disciplined, I wonder if I would have become more scientific or analytical than creative.